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shake me up and weigh me down
strip me of these heavy gowns
bathe my feet in honeyed oils
save me from my rotten spoils
down the road my steps have taken me
dirt and stone taken the place of bone
the setting sun has opened my eyes to see
as the world in darkness is a place of drones
my mind is clear, the shackles gone
enlightened anew, imagination spawned
mine is a journey now fresh and clean
to a path few others can say they've seen
©2008-2009 ~christania7
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Submitted: April 26, 2008
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Author's Comments

yay! my lousy attempt at rhyming... comments welcome as always.
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whats with all the pessimism/negativity at yourself, this is once again another piece and to say otherwise for me is insanity, it is always a joy for me to read your work so please keep this up

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Everyone feels a certain way for a reason, when you read a person’s poem you’re glimpsing at their very soul
Your rhyming is wonderful really. I can't rhyme at all, the entire concept completely eludes me ^-^
But yours is magnificent.

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Procrastination Makes Perfect
Story of my life
lol, thank you! honestly, the whole rhyming thing does the same to me- it kind of makes me feel constricted in writing, if that makes any sense... :blushes: this was basically my first try since elementary school, lol. :aww: i'm glad you enjoyed it!

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"From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity."
lol You be very welcome. I understand about that whole restricted thing, I can't even concentrate on whatever I'm writing because Im too concerned about whether or not its rhyming, then I lose track of whatever I was thinking about and the poem dies. For Instance one time I was trying to write a poem about how it was a nice summery day and my cat was sleeping in the sun on pointy things. Then I tried to rhyme and it turned out terribly weird.(bread got involved)
Can't even tell its your first try at getting into it after schools ^-^

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Procrastination Makes Perfect
Story of my life
im not good with rythm but i like the message a lot. i like making worlds to go with pieces of art or pieces of writing and this piece has a cool and fun world. good job and dont look so down on yourself!
It's wonderful! :) Great job at rhyming, in my opinion. I really fail when it comes to that stuff. Haha

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And so it is, just like you said it would be.
Life goes easy on me
...most of the time.
Interesting, I'd say. lol. I really like your repetive use of similiar words. It really aided in teh unfamiliar scenery.

My favorite part was actually the beginning. The part that says, "shake me up and weigh me down.."

I thought it all was very good, though. And interesting. ^-^

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I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, and some come from behind. But I've brought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.

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